Saturday, June 21, 2008
Jamie After Accident...Psycho-Schucker !!!
Pscycho-Shucker is (c) and TM 1994-2008 Squire Wells.
Artwork by G.Patrick Teran.
PsychoShucker is the story of a young shucker boy named Jamie who works at "The Raw Bar". He is the slowest oyster shucker in the world. Customers and fellow employees harass him,tease him and sometimes beat him up. One day after getting his ass kicked by an obnoxious, drunk customer, Jamie falls into the contaminated water behind the Raw Bar with his only friend in the world, Norman the cat. Jamie is now "the fastest oyster shucker in the world" and a "black-belt" as well. His life is forever changed and he is now known and feared around town as PsychoShucker. Norman is known as ThrashCat. They both live together deep in the woods in an old abandoned shack. Together they form a "PsychoOysterShuckerSquadExtreme" (POSSE) that terrorize the town of KeyHaven, Florida.
This story is a horror/comedy that I created while working at "The Half Shell Raw Bar" in Key West, Florida in 1994. I hope that you like it and find it to be silly/stupid/fun.
Thanks for tuning in !- Squire Wells
PSYCHOSHUCKER by D.Squire Wells
Jamie was a nice young man who tried as hard as he could to do a good job shucking oysters at "The Raw Bar". He wasn't the fastest shucker in the world, well, actually, he was probably one of the slowest. He was real slow. Slower then slow.
Jamie was a skinny young man, a real nerd with dark hair and geeky looking glasses. Everyone always made fun of him. His fellow employees and customers alike were very abusive at times. His only true friend in the restaurant was Norman the cat who was always hanging out in front of the shucking station waiting for a fresh handout of shrimp, oysters or whatever was available.
Today was one of the busiest days and Norman was hanging out front of the shucking station.
"Here Kitty, wanna shrimp ?" Jamie tossed a nice size U-15 down towards Normans way. The cat took one second to devour the shrimp and was fast under the table to avoid the waitresses walking by with the heavy trays of food.
One of the waitresses "Big Helen" was coming thru with a huge tray of food. She was a rather large lady and had been working at The Raw Bar for years, a lifer as they call them. She had once told Jamie that he was by far, the slowest oyster shucker she had ever seen in her life.
"Hey Jamie, you got my oysters for table ten yet ? C'mon, it's been over twenty minutes and I ain't got no oysters yet !" she shouted.
"Ah Yeh, coming right up Helen, I just got the sixth one open. I should have them done in a little while, Okeedokee ? Jamie replied.
The manager Dick Doorman noticed what was going on and was not pleased at all. He didn't really like Jamie and wanted to fire him several years before. He couldn't do it. Jamies father had paid the owner of The Raw Bar a million dollars just to give his pathetic,nerdy,useless kid a job.
Dick walked over to the shucking station to check on Jamie. He was watching him shuck and just shaking his head back and forth.
"Ah Jamie ! You're the slowest damn shucker I have ever seen in my life, absolutely pathetic I tell you ! " Dick turned around and headed towards the kitchen.
Just then one of the busboys Timothy was coming out of the kitchen with a full tray of dishes and wasn't watching where he was going. Dick wasn't either and all of a sudden they ran into each other."SMASH...CLANG...BANG !" they both landed on their asses and dishes were everywhere. Dick looked over at Timothy. He was furious.
All the customers in the restaurant were now clapping loudly and whistling.
"Ah Ha ! Bus boy fell on his ass... !" a young boy sitting at table six yelled."...and manager went with him."
"Ah Ha !" the young boys mother yelled.
The customers got a kick out of seeing employees make a complete ass out of themselves. Any mistakes that you made at The Raw Bar were not tolerated by fellow employees and customers alike and this scene was downright emberassing.
"You idiot Timothy ! don't you watch where you're going ?" Timothy got back on his feet and began picking up the broken dishes and cups,silverware was scattered all over as well.
"I'm sorry Dick, I didn't mean it, I'm just really tired. I was up all night with the baby and all and I just couldn't get back to sleep."
Dick was now standing and was staring at Timothy with a devilish,smartass grin.
"Oh, it's alright Timothy, you'll never have to worry about anything like this ever happening again".Timothy looked up at Dick with a smile.
"Oh, I won't,gee thanks,ah,why's that ?"
"Because you're fired ! Now get the hell out of here !"Timothy was completely surprised, he looked up at Dick.
"C'mon Dick ! I said I was sorry, Please ? I've got a wife and kids. I need this job, even though it only pays minumum wage, the tips suck, there's no benefits, the place smells like @$%&! ,whattaya say ? one more chance, please ?"
Dick began smiling, looking at Timothy right in the eyes like he might have some good news for him. He turned his head back towards the kitchen.
"Manny ! Anthony ! could you please come out here ? I need some help taking out some trash".
All of a sudden two huge, stupid morons that were working in the kitchen came out.
"Dah, hey boss, ah, you needs somethin ?" one of them asked. His name was Manny.Just then the other cook started in.
"Ah,yeh boss, ah, you needs somethin ? ah, I ain't too smahts(smart) but what I know I know a lot about like fixin(fixing) cahs(cars), smokin butts, doin drugs and ahh, oh yeh,cookin stuff and throwin out the trash and ahh, I don't see no trash out here, ah where is it ?"
"It's right here you idiots!" Dick yelled while pointing at Timothy.
"I want you to throw this punk out the back door and make sure that he never comes back again, understand ?"
"Ah, sure boss, we'll get rid of him for you, won't we Manny ? Ah, like I said I ain't too smaht but what I know I know alot about like fixin cahs, smokin butts, doin drugs, and oh yeh takin out da trash, c'mon you little runts you !" Tony demanded.
He reached over and grabbed Timothy by the shirt.
"No, please !" Timothy cried.Manny grabbed him by the legs and they were off towards the back of the kitchen. Customers were now getting excited about all of this. They were all banging their forks on the table and simultaneously chanting.
"WHEN IN DOUBT THROW HIM OUT ! WHEN IN DOUBT THROW HIM OUT !"
Timothy was screaming and yelling during this whole ordeal, twisiting and turning his body to and fro but to no avail, Manny and Tony were much too strong for him and there was no getting away.
"Whatever you do guys, don't, I repeat don't throw me in that water, please ! That water is so scary, I hate it !" Timothy began pleading with the two huge morons.
"Hey Manny !"
"Yeh Tony?"
"I think we should send this kid swimmin, what da ya think ?"
"Sounds good to me, I think it might teaches him a lesson to watch where he's goin, know what I'm sayin ?"
"Yeh, I know exactly what yous sayin !"
"No, please guys. I have money and coupons I can give you." Timothy whined.
"I don't think so kid. You dropped a tray and your gonna pay for it!"
Tony and Manny were now headed towards the back of the Raw Bar docks. The Raw Bar was located right next to the Key Haven Power Plant which provided most of the electricity for the whole Island.
There was always a huge school of mutated fish swimming around out back waiting for the cooks to feed them. There was also some sort of monster fish that nobody could indentify. They simply referred to it as MONGOFISH. When the cooks fed these fish it was like a crazy free for all. All you could see during the feeding was a massive amount of bubbles. It was so turbulent it was as powerful as an out board motor engine.The two huge cooks now had Timothy on the docks and were getting ready to throw him in the water.
Timothy went flying into the water.
"SPLASH !"
Everyone was watching, he hit the water and immediately came back up for air.
"Help me !" Help me !" he cried.
The fish were now swimming right towards him ready for some action. MONGOFISH was closing in on him. Everyone was laughing loudly at this spectacle.
"Bye ! Bye ! Busboy !" one customer yelled out.
"Ah ha ! Mongofish is gonna get ya !" Big Helen shouted.
Just then Jamie came running out on to the dock. He had a rope in his hand and quickly threw it in to the water to Timothy.
"Quick Timmy, grab the rope, I'll pull you in !" he yelled.
Timothy grabbed the rope just as MONGOFISHwas approaching him from behind. Jamie pulled up on the rope with all his might, Timothy was able to to grab hold of a ladder on one of the boats that was docked next to The Raw Bar. A huge school of contaminated fish came swimming by right after this.
Jamie had saved Timothys life. Timothy climbed up on to the boat and then on to the docks. At this time everyone had disbursed and wasn't paying much attention. Jamie ran over to Timothy.
"You alright buddy ? I thought you were a goner, gee whiz ?"Timothy was shaking and soaked to the bone.
"Thanks Jamie, how can I ever repay you ?"Jamie looked at Timothy.
"Just go home buddy, get out of here while you can." Jamie reached in to his pocket and pulled a crisp one-hundred dollar bill. He handed it to Timothy.
"Here, this is for you and your family. I know times could get tough now without a job. Go out and buy some groceries or some Power-Ranger toys for your kids."Timothy looked back at Jamie with a confused look on his face.
"Oh, Power-Rangers ? my kids don't like Power-Rangers Jamie. There more in to this guy "SCOOTERMAN" http://www.scooterman.tv/ he really kicks ass on the scooter ya know ?"
"Oh yeh, Scooterman. Pretty silly idea but I bet the kids would love a show like that."
"Well, I better get going. Hey Jamie (Timothy stuck out his right hand for a hand shake) Thanks alot buddy, it was great working with you ! Ah, hell (Timothy grabbed Jamie and pulled him in for a hug) Gimme a hug man !" The two hugged and everyone that was still watching began clapping loudly.Jamie looked at Timothy.
"You're in to hugs too man ? I didn't know that. Call me sometime, we'll do lunch, kay ?"
"You got it buddy ! Thanks Jamie !" Timothy began walking away.
"See you Timothy, don't forget to write, you know our address."
Dick Doorman the manager came flying ouy the back of the kitchen out on to the docks.
"Alright hero-boy let's get back to work ASAP or you'll end up taking a swim too, understand ?"
"Yes sir, right away Dick ! "Jamie quickly returned to the shucking station where Norman was waiting patiently for some more shrimp.
There were now tons of orders waiting for him. They had been piling up heavy since the Timothy incident.
"Hurry up !" one waitress shouted.
"Yeh, hurry up Jamie ! I'd love to get my oysters for table twelve before they get their entrees you little schmuck yous ! Think you can handle it ?"
"Sure can Lisa !" Jamie said with a huge smile on his face. Jamie was in such a great mood after helping Timothy.Jamie continued working and now was trying to pry an Oyster open. Norman was now watching him. It was a hard oyster to open.
"Gee Whiz, these must be from Louisiana. They're very tough to open"Jamie finally got it open and when he did. it was kind of a dud, a little shriveled up. Norman loved these type of oysters. Jamie tossed the dud right in front of Norman. Norman licked the oyster then bit in to it. He then chomped it down. Dick Doorman the manager noticed this and was not pleased at all. He came running over to the shucking station to read Jamie the riot act.
"Jamie, how many times have I told you not to feed that damn cat ?"
"I'm sorry Dick, I just thought I'd give it to him instead of throwing it out, he looked hungry."
"The godamn cat gets enough food as it is Jamie and besides, all the iodine in the seafood is causing him to lose his hair. Don't let me catch you doing it again !"
"Okeedokee Dick, ten four good buddy !"
Dick started walking away from the shucking station when all of a sudden he turned around and pointed his finger towards Jamie.
"Hey Jamie, I'm not your buddy and no one says okeedokee anymore, O.K.? I don't even know if they ever did.I think it's something Davey and Goliath made up anyway for gods sake ! or what is Gumby?"
"Sorry you Dick, I mean Dick, it won't happen again okeedokee ? I mean...O.K ?"Dick continued on walking towards the kitchen. He was almost at the kitchen door when all of a sudden he turned around and began running full speed towards Norman. Dick swung his right leg back and delivered a fierce kick right in to Normans stomach.
"THWAP !"
"No ? Norman !" Jamie yelled.
You could hear the blow clear across the dining room. The oyster Norman had just eaten came flying out of his mouth and hit some drunk customer right in the head.
"THWANK !" was the sound.
The customer was so loaded, he never even knew what hit him, he just kept on eating his food. Norman let out a huge squeal and quickly ran out back towards the docks. Dick was now shaking his head.
"Nice kick Mr.Manager. I hate cats !" one customer yelled.
Dick was shaking his head back and forth."I didn't want to do that but I had to you know ?" I'm just trying to do my job, is that so wrong?" Dick announced to the whole dining room .
One of the new waitresses Abigail was standing right next to Dick. Dick looked at her wanting a reply desperately.
"You did the right thing Dick, it's O.K." she reassured him with a friendly pat on the back.
"Thanks Abby !" (Dick reached in to his pocket and pulled out a crisp, new, one-hundred dollar bill and handed it to her.)
"Thank you Dick ! You didn't have to do that, my god ! a one-hundred dollar bill ?"
"Ah, don't mention it, I found it on the ground out back next to where Timothy got thrown in the water."
"Alright, everyone back to work !" Dick demanded.Jamie was shucking as fast as he could to catch up on the orders that had built up since the episode on the docks. Waitresses were yelling out orders to him, it was absolutely crazy.
"I need two dozen oysters, six pounds of shrimp, all on seperate half pound platters. I also need three dozen clams all split in half as they are for some young kids !" one waitress shouted.
Big Helen came by the shucking station to give Jamie some orders.
"Jamie, I need a 666 plate O.K? except I need 333 put in the steamah and da otha three chilled on ice and make sure you cut the bottoms off the oysters and oh yeh, no shells Jamie ! No shells ! Got it ! Get it ! Good !" Big Helen walked off to the kitchen in a huff.
Another waitress came up to the shucking station and began her order.
"Jamie, I've got some people that want to sit in front of the shucking station, party of forty that is. They're all going to start out with one dozen oysters a piece, not too big, not too small. They'll also be having forty fetticini alfredos, forty ice waters, seperate checks with an eight percent gratuity which I'll be taking six percent of...kay ? Thanks Jamie, you're a sweetheart !"
Jamie was now what most people in the restaurant business call in the weeds, or, in hell as you might say. He felt helpless, he would just try and do the best job that he could.
The party of forty had now been seated. Everyone of them were absolutely bombed, loaded, wasted, s-faced, feeling no pain, toasted at this point and time and basically drunk as hell.
One of the guys in the party who was with his girlfriend was watching Jamie shuck an oyster. He was a tall skinny Italian kid with lots of jewelry and jet black hair slicked back real shiny. He talked just like Robert DeNiro. It was later found that Bobby DeNiro was actually the kids idol. He got up from the table and shouted out.
"Hey Shucker Boy ! where'd you learn how to shuck ?"Jamie looked up at him.
"Who me ?""No, the guy behind you, you idiot ! Ha ! Ha !"Everyone in the place began laughing loudly.
"HA! HA! LAUGH! LAUGH! CHUCKLE! CHUCKLE! HEE! HEE! HAW! HAW! SNICKER! SNICKER! CACKLE! CACKLE!" were the exact sounds coming from every direction.
The laughing finally quieted. Jamie just looked at the guy, he was hurt. What had he done to deserve this ?He felt just like the lead singer in The Pet Shop Boys.The guys girlfriend was very pretty Jamie noticed. She was telling him to lay off of Jamie.
"C'mon Vinnie ! Leave the poor kid alone !" she pleaded.
"Yeh Vinnie, that's enough !" one of the guys at the end of the table shouted.
Vinnie began pointing at Jamie."No way Man ! It's guys like dis punk that make me so mad. He don't even know how to shuck an oyster the right way...I mean, he don't even cut the meat off the bottom of the shells, know what I'm sayin ?"
Vinnie was now walking over towards Jamie. Jamies heart was now racing faster then ever. He was getting very nervous. He hadn't felt this way since the time he had met the President of "The Ham Radio Network" Jamies' favorite network.
All eyes in the restaurant were now on Vinnie and Jamie. Customers were wating anxiuosly to see the outcome.
"Hey kid, I'm not gonna hurt you, I just wanna show you how you're gonna shuck my oysters tonight, Okeedokee? Now give me the knife and nobody gets hurt !"Jamie complied and handed Vinnie the oyster knife. Vinnie grabbed the knife and was now standing in front of the shucking station. He then held the knife up high in the air and began waving it around.Everyone in the restaurant was still watching. Vinnie began his lesson.
"O.K. folks ! can I have your attention please ? I will now show this little, pathetic, useless, shucker-boy how to shuck an oystah !"Everyone began clapping loudly.
"Yeh, you show him Vinnie !" Big Helen shouted.
"Alright, first you take da oystah like dis (he held the oyster up so everyone could see it) then you pop it open like dis (he popped it open) then you cut the top of da shell off...and then...(he pointed at Jamie) this is da part you never do kid !!! you cut the oyster off the bottom of da shell so it slides around. That's why they call it a slidah you f-ing little moron you !"
Everyone in the place was now laughing hysterically. Vinnies mission was complete. He had made a complete fool out of Jamie. Jamie was so emberassed, his face was bright red.
The laughing continued.Vinnie now had the knife tucked in his fist, very much the way someone holds a roll of quarters in their fist.Vinnie wound up lowered his whole body and delivered a fierce middle-lunge keeyate punch right in to Jamies'stomach.
"KEEYATE !" Vinnie belted out.Jamie went keeling over. The blow had left him parylyzed for a few moments. He was in some serious pain.Vinnie then threw the knife towards Jamie. "Here's your knife back punk..Ha Ha !"Everyone in the place was clapping loudly and screaming with joy.
Vinnie owned the place now and Jamie was his little shucker-boy.Customers were still clapping and whistling. They all loved the daily shows at The Raw Bar and Vinnie was the star of this one. Vinnie took a bow to everyone in the place and then extended his hands outright.
"Hey ! I didn't spend ten thousand dollars gettin my black-belt for nothin ya know ...Ha! Ha!" he announced.
Vinnie walked back to his seat. On the way he was looking at different members of his party saying."Hey, did I show him or what ? I mean, someone has to teach these kids a thing or two...know what I'm sayin ?"
Dick Doorman the manager noticed all that went on and was not pleased at all. He came running over behind the shucking station and confronted Jamie about what just happened. Jamie was still bent over and was crying loudly. He was in some serious pain.
"Jamie ! what the hell was that all about ? Do you want to cause another lawsuit in this place ? I won't have it ! Now go back outside and cool off. I'll man the shucking station for now."Jamie lifted his head and slowly began walking while still holding his stomach.
"Thanks Dick !" Jamie began walking towards the kitchen.
Dick was now shucking and talking to the party of forty. "Hey Folks ! Sorry about that, it won't happen again. As a matter of fact, I'd like to buy you all a round of drinks for your trouble alright ?"
Dick summoned the bartender over to his side. "Linda, set these folks up with whatever they want alright ? It's on me alright ? and tip yourself fifty cents for whole thing, thanks alot !"
Vinnie and the whole party were stoked about the free drinks. "Hey Vinnie !" one guy in the party shouted out. He had a cocktail in his hand and his arm around his girlfriend."If I had known that we were gonna get some free drinks out of this whole thing I would have helped you beat the crap out of that kid. I mean whada we get if we kill him and throw him in da rivah...a free steak or somethin ? Ha! Ha!"
Everyone in the party began laughing.Jamie was now back in the kitchen recuperating from the strong blow that he had just received from Vinnie. Tony and Manny were cooking away the orders they had just received. Tony was waiting for one order to finally end out of the computer. It was a long order.
"What the hell is this ?" Tony asked. "Forty f-in ordhas of Alfredo ? No f-in way. I ain't doin it !"Just then one of the waitresses came in from the dining room with a couple of Bacardi and Cokes with double limes.
"Hey Tony ! these drinks are from your cousin Vinnie, he's out there with a bunch of his friends. He's the one who ordered the alfredos kay ?" she asked.
"Ah Vinnie ? No problem Suzy. Hey! tell him I said hi and that I'll be out in a little while to see him alright ?"
"Sure thing Tony !"
Jamie was now out back near the docks. The pain was beginning to go away a little but he was still in shock from what just happened. He sat down along the building with his back to the restaurant gazing out on to the bay. Tears were rolling down his face as he sat and wondered why everyone was always so mean to him. Just then a friendly little lick came across his face.
Norman had come by to say hi. Jamie instantly felt better and grabbed the cat, pulling him closer to his body. It felt good to be loved for a change. Jamie and Norman were good friends. Customers had also been very mean to Norman as well. At times they would often grab Norman by the tail and toss him in to the water out back. Other times they would feed him an oyster loaded with Tabasco sauce.Norman would end up on the ground spinning in circles just like Curly in the Three Stooges. Jamie got up off his feet and stood upright. He then reached in to his back pocket and pulled out the book he always carried with him. "Master Cho's Guide to Self-Defense". He held the book out and looked at Norman.
"Norman, some day, they'll all be sorry !". He quickly turned to page two and demonstrated his best kick."Front Kick !" he shouted.
Jamie shifted his foot forward. His foot barely left the ground. Two dishwashers were out back having a smoke noticed this. They both began laughing.
"Ah Ha ! Shucker-Boy's trying to do Karate, what a joke !" they both walked back in to the kitchen.Jamie seemed unaffected by their taunts, he was getting used to this sort of treatment.Jamie looked back down at Norman and quickly pointed his finger back and forth towards both he and Norman.
"Just wait Norman, some day, it'll just be me and you buddy !"
Jamie now went back out to the shucking station. The party of forty were still there and had just finished their dinner. Jamie tried as hard as he could to avoid eye contact with them. Vinnie got up from the table, he was drunk.
"Hey ! Looks like shucker boy came back for another ass kicking huh shucka boy ?"Jamie looked up at the whole party.
"Hey, I don't want any trouble. I'm just trying to do my job, O.K ?"
Vinnie reached down and picked up what was on his dinner plate. He threw it towards Jamie.
"The food here sucks !" he shouted.Everyone else at the table started tossing their food at Jamie and yelling.
"Shucker-Boy !" "Shucker-Boy !" "Shucker-Boy !"Jamie was now getting pelted with food, mainly leftover fetticini and dinner rolls although some salad was also involved. Everyone in the place had now joined in and it was complete chaos. Jamie felt helpless. He quickly grabbed four trays of shucked Oysters and headed towards the back kitchen.
"Idiot !" "Dorkface !" "Moron !" were just some fo the insults coming from the table as Jamie made his exit.
He finally made it back to the kitchen safely. It was now getting close to closing time and all the leftover shucked oysters were to be brought back to the docks and discarded in to the water.Just then Dick Doorman the manager came running over to Jamie. He was not pleased at all.
"Jamie, lets' Go ! Hurry up and bring the rest of the Oysters out back. We've got to close this place soon!"
"Sure Dick, no problem. I was just about to do that right now." Jamie picked up the trays of Oysters and headed out back towards the docks.Norman was now fast asleep and was sleeping right in Jamie's path. Jamie could not see Norman at all and the the Oyster trays were gettng heavier, with each passing step he felt weaker and weaker. Jamie was exhuasted.Then, it happened. He suddenly tripped over Norman. Norman tried to run away but his collar got tangled up in Jamie's shoelaces. They both began falling towards the murky water. Jamie, Norman and the Oysters were all going in...
"SPLASH !" the two hit the water.The Oyster trays were still bouyant but were slowly beggining to sink. Jamie knew that he only had seconds to spare before the contaminated fish and "MONGOFISH" made their appearance.
"Help !" Help !" he cried.Most of the customers had now taken notice to Jamie falling in the water. They all had something to say about this one.
"Hey!" It's Shucker Boy! He fell in the water !" one old man sitting at the bar yelled."
"Ah ha ! Shucker Boy fell in the water !" the young boy on table six yelled out.
"Ah Ha ! MONGOFISH is gonna get ya !' Big Helen yelled out.
"Somebody help the poor little shucker boy, He's our only shucker even if he is slower then mollasses."
Dick Doorman agreed. Jamie was the only shucker in the restaurant. He would have to be saved.
"Help! Help! This really sucks!" Jamie yelled.
"Yeh,do something before it's too late.I mean, call SCOOTERMAN http://www.scooterman.tv/ if it get's real bad." the fry guy suggested.
Suddenly Tony and Manny came running out of the kitchen and were panicking. They both were pacing around the docks like waitresses in a frenzy Saturday night rush. Tony turned to Manny with fear in his eyes.
"What should we do Manny?" Tony screamed."I don't know. I'll go get the net out back and give it to him."
Manny quickly turned around and headed towards theshack on the side of the restaurant. He returned seconds later with the long net.
"Quick Jamie...grab hold of the net!"Jamie began swinging his arms towards the net. He couldn't reach it. The water was now beggining to turn the color bright red. The contaminated fish now had a hold of Jamie. Blood was gushing out of his mouth and his whole body was thrashing back and forth, left to right against the surface of the water.
"Oh my God !" Tony pointed down towards the water. MONGOFISH was now right behind Jamie.Jamie continued to scream.
"AHH! AHH!"MONGOFISH had come to finish the job. Jamie made one last plea for help but it was too late. He was gone.There was now complete silence. Everyone in the restaurant was actually in awe. People had fallen in the water out back before but no one ever really got hurt. This was the first time anyone hadn't escaped the dangerous waters behind The Raw Bar.
Manny was now peering over the side of the dock to see if he could see any signs of life from below on the surface of the water. The only thing he could see were a few small bubbles. It was over.Manny turned to Tony with a sad look on his face.
"Man, I did kind of like that kid. Even though he was a nerd and all."
Dick Doorman the manager was now out back shaking his head in disbelief.
"Well guys, there's nothing we can do now. I'll put an ad in the paper for a new shucker tommorow. In the meantime I really think we should all get back to work and concentrate on our jobs, alright ?"
"Yeh Dick, I hear ya." Manny patted Tony on the back and began walking with him towards the kitchen.
All of a sudden the water started to bubble up. Everyone quickly turned their heads and peered towards the water.The bubbles began to increase in size. Bigger and bigger they got, louder and louder the water became. It was just like feeding time. An out board engine, 150 Mercury.
"What the..?" Manny was now back out peering over the water. Just then the bubbles stopped. It was silent again.
"C'mon Manny, let's go!" Dick shouted. "It's Nothing."
Manny turned and began walking towards the kitchen.
"Ah, kid was probably takin his last breath, ha !" Tony shrugged his shoulders.
All of a sudden Jamie came flying out of the water and on to the docks.It was like a spring board shot him up to the surface. It was unreal. He was huge ! Built like a body builder. He was all bloody and slimey. His clothes were ripped to shreds and the only thing that was still in tact was his apron that he was still wearing.He was also missing an eye, blood dripping from his eye socket. He began teetering back and forth, trying to make sense of who he was and where he was. The customers and everyone who were watching were in a complete state of shock.
"Oh my God! It's Shucker-Boy!" the old man at the bar yelled.
"Is it too late to get that dozen that I wanted?" another yelled.Jamie was now slowly approaching Manny and Tony the two of them were getting very nervous.
"Good Shucker Boy!" Manny began taking slow steps backwards. Just then Jamie took a swing at him.
"ARRGONOSHUCKOYSTERNOW!" he screamed.
He just missed hitting Manny.Tony was too close. Jamie reached over and grabbed him by the shirt.
He pulled him in to his fist."POW!"
He then pushed him back and hit him with a flying side kick."SMACK!"
Tony went flying into the trash cans and was knocked unconscious. Manny was now waving a huge kitchen knife in front of Jamies face.
"C'mon you bastard let's go!" he screamed.
Jamie was about three feet away from him. He took one step forward then spun around and hit Manny with a back spin kick which sent him flying backwards. Jamie then hit him with a roundhouse kick, back spin kick,hammerfist to the nose followed by a spinning elbow strike and finally a jumping side kick.
Manny was now falling back toward the water when Jamie quickly pulled a shucking knife out of his back pocket and threw it as fast and hard as he could towards Manny's stomach. The shucking knife landed and pierced a devastating whole in Manny's gut."Ahhh!" he screamed as he fell backwards in to the water.
"SPLASH!" Manny hit the water, blood was everywhere and the contaminated fish had him now. He tried to fight his way out of the water and make a swim for the docks but it was too late, the fish dragged him under and he never resurfaced.
The Restaurant was now in a state of chaos. People were running around yelling and screaming.
"It's Shucker-Boy! He's lost his mind !" the lady on table six screamed.
Vinnie heard the commotion. It got a rise out of him. "Shucker Boy, where is he? What's goin on?" he asked.
All of a sudden Jamie came flying thru the kitchen door and out in to the dining room. People were totally stunned at the sight of him. He quickly jumped up on top of the shucking station and began waving his shucking knife around in the air. He was moaning and screaming out loud.
"MEKILLMEANCUSTOMERSNOW!" he shouted.
He then jumped back down to ground level, people were trying to make it to the door. He started picking up oysters and shucking them as fast as he could which was an absolutely amazing sight.
He could now shuck oysters at an alarming rate, about two oysters per second. Instead of throwing the top shells in the bucket he began whipping them as fast as he could towards the people that were exiting the building. One of the shells hit a man in the back as he was almost out the front door. It pierced a hole right thru the skin and was protruding from his back all bloody.
"Ahhh! I've been hit, and I don't even like oysters!" he screamed.
His wife started screaming and bolted out the door, leaving him there on his own. Nice wife, huh?
Jamie also started throwing the oyster trays around like frisbees. A few of them hit some people but just knocked them off their feet.
One man was about to jump off the railing in the dining room and in to the water when Jamie pulled out an oyster fork and threw it at him. "Ahh! me back!" he screamed.
Another man was trying to run away but Jamie grabbed him. He then pulled out an empty oyster sack and tossed it over the guys head. Jamie quickly lassoed a tight string around the sack and the man was left helpless with his arms and hands dangling at his side.
Jamie wound up and hit him as hard as he could with a middle lunge keeyate punch then followed it with a spare hand to the solar plexes, roundhouse kick, back spin kick, spin around elbow strike and then finally a jumping side kick. The kick was so strong that it sent him flying in to the $5.95 all-you-can-eat salad bar. He was toasted, gone, finished, out of it, thrashed, beat up, bloody and most of all not feeling very well at this point and time in the story.
"Oh my God, we gotta get outta here !" was the scream coming from behind one of the tables that was turned on it's side. Two people were crouched down hiding behind the table. Jamie began heading towards the table. He was right next to the table when all of a sudden a girl came out from behind and ran right past him. He let her go.It was Vinnie's girlfriend. Vinnie then got up from under the table, he now had his hands out in front of his body like he was surrendering to Jamie. He was pretty nervous.
"Hey kid...ya know I didn't mean anything I said or did tonight, I was, I was kidding. It was all in good fun."
Vinnie quickly reached in his front pocket and pulled out a new, crisp one-hundred dollar bill. He threw it down on the ground in front of Jamie.
"Here, take this. I can get more later. Ya see, I'm a business man and I know what it takes to make people happy."
Jamie knelt down to pick the bill up off the ground. Vinnie quickly wound up and kicked Jamie in the head as hard as he could. The kick sent Jamie flying backwards and on to his back. It was a very hard kick. Blood was drawn.Vinnie was juiced and jumping up and down.
He then did three jumping back spin kicks in a row just for show.
"C'mon Shucka Boy! I'll f-in kill you man. I'm da bad guy!" he sounded just like Al Pacino in Scarface.
Jamie felt his head and wiped the blood off. He now realized that he was bleeding and began shaking his head back and forth. He got back on his feet and was ready for action. Vinnie jumped up and tried to execute a jumping back spin kick, it didn't work. Jamie caught his foot and now had a hold of him. He then lifted Vinnies whole body in the air.
"Ahhh ! Let me down !" Vinnie screamed.Jamie hurled Vinnie's whole body towards the shucking station.
"SMASH!"Vinnie landed right on top of the shucking station. Ice, oysters, clams and shrimp went flying everywhere. He was just sprawled out all over the station, his body barely moving yet he was still alive. Jamie ran over and jumped on top of him so he couldn't move. He then reached down into the oyster bucket and grabbed one of the rejected oysters from earlier in the night. He held the oyster right over Vinnies head then took out the oyster knife and shucked it real fast, it was a totally bogus oyster. Jamie held the slimey, bad oyster over Vinnies mouth then fired it in to his mouth real fast, making sure he swallowed it. Vinnie was in some serious pain now and was crying loudly.
"C'mon kid! Let me Go!" he screamed.
Jamie picked Vinnie up off the shucking station and propped his body up so he was standing upright. It was now time for the grande finale. Vinnie was barely standing straight up, Jamie was now ready to finsh him off. Jamie got in to a strict Karate stance and began his kata on Vinnie. Roundhouse kick, middle lunge keeyate punch into the solar plexes, back spin kick, another back spin kick and one more back spin kick.
Vinnie was now getting close to the railing which borders the water. Jamie quickly reached back left and right and began simultaneously chucking oyster knives towards Vinnie. Each one landed with precision hitting Vinnie in different parts of his body.
"AHHHH!" he screamed.Vinnie went flying backwards and in to the water. The fish immediately dragged him under as soon as he hit the water. Vinnie was no longer, too bad. The world would be less one bully.Jamie got up on top of the shucking station and let out a loud roar that could be heard from a far distance.
"MEKICKSERIOUSASSNOWPSYCHOSHUCKER!" he shouted.
The whole restaurant was in complete shambles. Tables were scattered everywhere and food scraps lined the perimeter of the dining room.Jamie hopped down off the shucking station and headed out to the back of the Restaurant. He then ran over to the shed and quickly opened the door.
There were twenty, five gallon gas containers that were full. Jamie grabbed one in each hand and began dousing "The Raw Bar" with gasoline. He continued to do this until there were no more containers left.
Jamie ran in to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of sheets of newspapers rolling them in to a stick. He stuck the newspaper in to the pilot light on the stove and now he had a nice torch to play with. He then began running around setting the place on fire. He quickly ran out back to the docks.
Jamie was now standing out at the docks watching the whole building go up in flames.All of a sudden Norman came flying out of the water and on to the docks.He was soaked to the bone and very badly beaten as well. Jamie reached down and cuddled him in his right hand. He then ran and jumped down in to a row boat that was docked close by. Jamie carefully placed Norman in the back of the boat when he landed. The boat was then untied and they were off. Jamie sat there just rowing, watching The Raw Bar, trying desperately to figure out all that had just happened. The fire was getting bigger and bigger. Suddenly it happened, a loud explosion filled the air.
"KABOOM!"
The Raw Bar blew up into thousands of tiny little pieces, the place was History.
Jamie took one last look and continued rowing down the River. It was a long hard day at The Raw Bar. Jamies life was now changed forever and he would soon be remembered as the little shucker boy turned psycho. He was no longer little or a boy. He would now be known around town simply as "PSYCHOSHUCKER".
THE END
Publish Post
This story is a horror/comedy that I created while working at "The Half Shell Raw Bar" in Key West, Florida in 1994. I hope that you like it and find it to be silly/stupid/fun.
Thanks for tuning in !- Squire Wells
PSYCHOSHUCKER by D.Squire Wells
Jamie was a nice young man who tried as hard as he could to do a good job shucking oysters at "The Raw Bar". He wasn't the fastest shucker in the world, well, actually, he was probably one of the slowest. He was real slow. Slower then slow.
Jamie was a skinny young man, a real nerd with dark hair and geeky looking glasses. Everyone always made fun of him. His fellow employees and customers alike were very abusive at times. His only true friend in the restaurant was Norman the cat who was always hanging out in front of the shucking station waiting for a fresh handout of shrimp, oysters or whatever was available.
Today was one of the busiest days and Norman was hanging out front of the shucking station.
"Here Kitty, wanna shrimp ?" Jamie tossed a nice size U-15 down towards Normans way. The cat took one second to devour the shrimp and was fast under the table to avoid the waitresses walking by with the heavy trays of food.
One of the waitresses "Big Helen" was coming thru with a huge tray of food. She was a rather large lady and had been working at The Raw Bar for years, a lifer as they call them. She had once told Jamie that he was by far, the slowest oyster shucker she had ever seen in her life.
"Hey Jamie, you got my oysters for table ten yet ? C'mon, it's been over twenty minutes and I ain't got no oysters yet !" she shouted.
"Ah Yeh, coming right up Helen, I just got the sixth one open. I should have them done in a little while, Okeedokee ? Jamie replied.
The manager Dick Doorman noticed what was going on and was not pleased at all. He didn't really like Jamie and wanted to fire him several years before. He couldn't do it. Jamies father had paid the owner of The Raw Bar a million dollars just to give his pathetic,nerdy,useless kid a job.
Dick walked over to the shucking station to check on Jamie. He was watching him shuck and just shaking his head back and forth.
"Ah Jamie ! You're the slowest damn shucker I have ever seen in my life, absolutely pathetic I tell you ! " Dick turned around and headed towards the kitchen.
Just then one of the busboys Timothy was coming out of the kitchen with a full tray of dishes and wasn't watching where he was going. Dick wasn't either and all of a sudden they ran into each other."SMASH...CLANG...BANG !" they both landed on their asses and dishes were everywhere. Dick looked over at Timothy. He was furious.
All the customers in the restaurant were now clapping loudly and whistling.
"Ah Ha ! Bus boy fell on his ass... !" a young boy sitting at table six yelled."...and manager went with him."
"Ah Ha !" the young boys mother yelled.
The customers got a kick out of seeing employees make a complete ass out of themselves. Any mistakes that you made at The Raw Bar were not tolerated by fellow employees and customers alike and this scene was downright emberassing.
"You idiot Timothy ! don't you watch where you're going ?" Timothy got back on his feet and began picking up the broken dishes and cups,silverware was scattered all over as well.
"I'm sorry Dick, I didn't mean it, I'm just really tired. I was up all night with the baby and all and I just couldn't get back to sleep."
Dick was now standing and was staring at Timothy with a devilish,smartass grin.
"Oh, it's alright Timothy, you'll never have to worry about anything like this ever happening again".Timothy looked up at Dick with a smile.
"Oh, I won't,gee thanks,ah,why's that ?"
"Because you're fired ! Now get the hell out of here !"Timothy was completely surprised, he looked up at Dick.
"C'mon Dick ! I said I was sorry, Please ? I've got a wife and kids. I need this job, even though it only pays minumum wage, the tips suck, there's no benefits, the place smells like @$%&! ,whattaya say ? one more chance, please ?"
Dick began smiling, looking at Timothy right in the eyes like he might have some good news for him. He turned his head back towards the kitchen.
"Manny ! Anthony ! could you please come out here ? I need some help taking out some trash".
All of a sudden two huge, stupid morons that were working in the kitchen came out.
"Dah, hey boss, ah, you needs somethin ?" one of them asked. His name was Manny.Just then the other cook started in.
"Ah,yeh boss, ah, you needs somethin ? ah, I ain't too smahts(smart) but what I know I know a lot about like fixin(fixing) cahs(cars), smokin butts, doin drugs and ahh, oh yeh,cookin stuff and throwin out the trash and ahh, I don't see no trash out here, ah where is it ?"
"It's right here you idiots!" Dick yelled while pointing at Timothy.
"I want you to throw this punk out the back door and make sure that he never comes back again, understand ?"
"Ah, sure boss, we'll get rid of him for you, won't we Manny ? Ah, like I said I ain't too smaht but what I know I know alot about like fixin cahs, smokin butts, doin drugs, and oh yeh takin out da trash, c'mon you little runts you !" Tony demanded.
He reached over and grabbed Timothy by the shirt.
"No, please !" Timothy cried.Manny grabbed him by the legs and they were off towards the back of the kitchen. Customers were now getting excited about all of this. They were all banging their forks on the table and simultaneously chanting.
"WHEN IN DOUBT THROW HIM OUT ! WHEN IN DOUBT THROW HIM OUT !"
Timothy was screaming and yelling during this whole ordeal, twisiting and turning his body to and fro but to no avail, Manny and Tony were much too strong for him and there was no getting away.
"Whatever you do guys, don't, I repeat don't throw me in that water, please ! That water is so scary, I hate it !" Timothy began pleading with the two huge morons.
"Hey Manny !"
"Yeh Tony?"
"I think we should send this kid swimmin, what da ya think ?"
"Sounds good to me, I think it might teaches him a lesson to watch where he's goin, know what I'm sayin ?"
"Yeh, I know exactly what yous sayin !"
"No, please guys. I have money and coupons I can give you." Timothy whined.
"I don't think so kid. You dropped a tray and your gonna pay for it!"
Tony and Manny were now headed towards the back of the Raw Bar docks. The Raw Bar was located right next to the Key Haven Power Plant which provided most of the electricity for the whole Island.
There was always a huge school of mutated fish swimming around out back waiting for the cooks to feed them. There was also some sort of monster fish that nobody could indentify. They simply referred to it as MONGOFISH. When the cooks fed these fish it was like a crazy free for all. All you could see during the feeding was a massive amount of bubbles. It was so turbulent it was as powerful as an out board motor engine.The two huge cooks now had Timothy on the docks and were getting ready to throw him in the water.
Timothy went flying into the water.
"SPLASH !"
Everyone was watching, he hit the water and immediately came back up for air.
"Help me !" Help me !" he cried.
The fish were now swimming right towards him ready for some action. MONGOFISH was closing in on him. Everyone was laughing loudly at this spectacle.
"Bye ! Bye ! Busboy !" one customer yelled out.
"Ah ha ! Mongofish is gonna get ya !" Big Helen shouted.
Just then Jamie came running out on to the dock. He had a rope in his hand and quickly threw it in to the water to Timothy.
"Quick Timmy, grab the rope, I'll pull you in !" he yelled.
Timothy grabbed the rope just as MONGOFISHwas approaching him from behind. Jamie pulled up on the rope with all his might, Timothy was able to to grab hold of a ladder on one of the boats that was docked next to The Raw Bar. A huge school of contaminated fish came swimming by right after this.
Jamie had saved Timothys life. Timothy climbed up on to the boat and then on to the docks. At this time everyone had disbursed and wasn't paying much attention. Jamie ran over to Timothy.
"You alright buddy ? I thought you were a goner, gee whiz ?"Timothy was shaking and soaked to the bone.
"Thanks Jamie, how can I ever repay you ?"Jamie looked at Timothy.
"Just go home buddy, get out of here while you can." Jamie reached in to his pocket and pulled a crisp one-hundred dollar bill. He handed it to Timothy.
"Here, this is for you and your family. I know times could get tough now without a job. Go out and buy some groceries or some Power-Ranger toys for your kids."Timothy looked back at Jamie with a confused look on his face.
"Oh, Power-Rangers ? my kids don't like Power-Rangers Jamie. There more in to this guy "SCOOTERMAN" http://www.scooterman.tv/ he really kicks ass on the scooter ya know ?"
"Oh yeh, Scooterman. Pretty silly idea but I bet the kids would love a show like that."
"Well, I better get going. Hey Jamie (Timothy stuck out his right hand for a hand shake) Thanks alot buddy, it was great working with you ! Ah, hell (Timothy grabbed Jamie and pulled him in for a hug) Gimme a hug man !" The two hugged and everyone that was still watching began clapping loudly.Jamie looked at Timothy.
"You're in to hugs too man ? I didn't know that. Call me sometime, we'll do lunch, kay ?"
"You got it buddy ! Thanks Jamie !" Timothy began walking away.
"See you Timothy, don't forget to write, you know our address."
Dick Doorman the manager came flying ouy the back of the kitchen out on to the docks.
"Alright hero-boy let's get back to work ASAP or you'll end up taking a swim too, understand ?"
"Yes sir, right away Dick ! "Jamie quickly returned to the shucking station where Norman was waiting patiently for some more shrimp.
There were now tons of orders waiting for him. They had been piling up heavy since the Timothy incident.
"Hurry up !" one waitress shouted.
"Yeh, hurry up Jamie ! I'd love to get my oysters for table twelve before they get their entrees you little schmuck yous ! Think you can handle it ?"
"Sure can Lisa !" Jamie said with a huge smile on his face. Jamie was in such a great mood after helping Timothy.Jamie continued working and now was trying to pry an Oyster open. Norman was now watching him. It was a hard oyster to open.
"Gee Whiz, these must be from Louisiana. They're very tough to open"Jamie finally got it open and when he did. it was kind of a dud, a little shriveled up. Norman loved these type of oysters. Jamie tossed the dud right in front of Norman. Norman licked the oyster then bit in to it. He then chomped it down. Dick Doorman the manager noticed this and was not pleased at all. He came running over to the shucking station to read Jamie the riot act.
"Jamie, how many times have I told you not to feed that damn cat ?"
"I'm sorry Dick, I just thought I'd give it to him instead of throwing it out, he looked hungry."
"The godamn cat gets enough food as it is Jamie and besides, all the iodine in the seafood is causing him to lose his hair. Don't let me catch you doing it again !"
"Okeedokee Dick, ten four good buddy !"
Dick started walking away from the shucking station when all of a sudden he turned around and pointed his finger towards Jamie.
"Hey Jamie, I'm not your buddy and no one says okeedokee anymore, O.K.? I don't even know if they ever did.I think it's something Davey and Goliath made up anyway for gods sake ! or what is Gumby?"
"Sorry you Dick, I mean Dick, it won't happen again okeedokee ? I mean...O.K ?"Dick continued on walking towards the kitchen. He was almost at the kitchen door when all of a sudden he turned around and began running full speed towards Norman. Dick swung his right leg back and delivered a fierce kick right in to Normans stomach.
"THWAP !"
"No ? Norman !" Jamie yelled.
You could hear the blow clear across the dining room. The oyster Norman had just eaten came flying out of his mouth and hit some drunk customer right in the head.
"THWANK !" was the sound.
The customer was so loaded, he never even knew what hit him, he just kept on eating his food. Norman let out a huge squeal and quickly ran out back towards the docks. Dick was now shaking his head.
"Nice kick Mr.Manager. I hate cats !" one customer yelled.
Dick was shaking his head back and forth."I didn't want to do that but I had to you know ?" I'm just trying to do my job, is that so wrong?" Dick announced to the whole dining room .
One of the new waitresses Abigail was standing right next to Dick. Dick looked at her wanting a reply desperately.
"You did the right thing Dick, it's O.K." she reassured him with a friendly pat on the back.
"Thanks Abby !" (Dick reached in to his pocket and pulled out a crisp, new, one-hundred dollar bill and handed it to her.)
"Thank you Dick ! You didn't have to do that, my god ! a one-hundred dollar bill ?"
"Ah, don't mention it, I found it on the ground out back next to where Timothy got thrown in the water."
"Alright, everyone back to work !" Dick demanded.Jamie was shucking as fast as he could to catch up on the orders that had built up since the episode on the docks. Waitresses were yelling out orders to him, it was absolutely crazy.
"I need two dozen oysters, six pounds of shrimp, all on seperate half pound platters. I also need three dozen clams all split in half as they are for some young kids !" one waitress shouted.
Big Helen came by the shucking station to give Jamie some orders.
"Jamie, I need a 666 plate O.K? except I need 333 put in the steamah and da otha three chilled on ice and make sure you cut the bottoms off the oysters and oh yeh, no shells Jamie ! No shells ! Got it ! Get it ! Good !" Big Helen walked off to the kitchen in a huff.
Another waitress came up to the shucking station and began her order.
"Jamie, I've got some people that want to sit in front of the shucking station, party of forty that is. They're all going to start out with one dozen oysters a piece, not too big, not too small. They'll also be having forty fetticini alfredos, forty ice waters, seperate checks with an eight percent gratuity which I'll be taking six percent of...kay ? Thanks Jamie, you're a sweetheart !"
Jamie was now what most people in the restaurant business call in the weeds, or, in hell as you might say. He felt helpless, he would just try and do the best job that he could.
The party of forty had now been seated. Everyone of them were absolutely bombed, loaded, wasted, s-faced, feeling no pain, toasted at this point and time and basically drunk as hell.
One of the guys in the party who was with his girlfriend was watching Jamie shuck an oyster. He was a tall skinny Italian kid with lots of jewelry and jet black hair slicked back real shiny. He talked just like Robert DeNiro. It was later found that Bobby DeNiro was actually the kids idol. He got up from the table and shouted out.
"Hey Shucker Boy ! where'd you learn how to shuck ?"Jamie looked up at him.
"Who me ?""No, the guy behind you, you idiot ! Ha ! Ha !"Everyone in the place began laughing loudly.
"HA! HA! LAUGH! LAUGH! CHUCKLE! CHUCKLE! HEE! HEE! HAW! HAW! SNICKER! SNICKER! CACKLE! CACKLE!" were the exact sounds coming from every direction.
The laughing finally quieted. Jamie just looked at the guy, he was hurt. What had he done to deserve this ?He felt just like the lead singer in The Pet Shop Boys.The guys girlfriend was very pretty Jamie noticed. She was telling him to lay off of Jamie.
"C'mon Vinnie ! Leave the poor kid alone !" she pleaded.
"Yeh Vinnie, that's enough !" one of the guys at the end of the table shouted.
Vinnie began pointing at Jamie."No way Man ! It's guys like dis punk that make me so mad. He don't even know how to shuck an oyster the right way...I mean, he don't even cut the meat off the bottom of the shells, know what I'm sayin ?"
Vinnie was now walking over towards Jamie. Jamies heart was now racing faster then ever. He was getting very nervous. He hadn't felt this way since the time he had met the President of "The Ham Radio Network" Jamies' favorite network.
All eyes in the restaurant were now on Vinnie and Jamie. Customers were wating anxiuosly to see the outcome.
"Hey kid, I'm not gonna hurt you, I just wanna show you how you're gonna shuck my oysters tonight, Okeedokee? Now give me the knife and nobody gets hurt !"Jamie complied and handed Vinnie the oyster knife. Vinnie grabbed the knife and was now standing in front of the shucking station. He then held the knife up high in the air and began waving it around.Everyone in the restaurant was still watching. Vinnie began his lesson.
"O.K. folks ! can I have your attention please ? I will now show this little, pathetic, useless, shucker-boy how to shuck an oystah !"Everyone began clapping loudly.
"Yeh, you show him Vinnie !" Big Helen shouted.
"Alright, first you take da oystah like dis (he held the oyster up so everyone could see it) then you pop it open like dis (he popped it open) then you cut the top of da shell off...and then...(he pointed at Jamie) this is da part you never do kid !!! you cut the oyster off the bottom of da shell so it slides around. That's why they call it a slidah you f-ing little moron you !"
Everyone in the place was now laughing hysterically. Vinnies mission was complete. He had made a complete fool out of Jamie. Jamie was so emberassed, his face was bright red.
The laughing continued.Vinnie now had the knife tucked in his fist, very much the way someone holds a roll of quarters in their fist.Vinnie wound up lowered his whole body and delivered a fierce middle-lunge keeyate punch right in to Jamies'stomach.
"KEEYATE !" Vinnie belted out.Jamie went keeling over. The blow had left him parylyzed for a few moments. He was in some serious pain.Vinnie then threw the knife towards Jamie. "Here's your knife back punk..Ha Ha !"Everyone in the place was clapping loudly and screaming with joy.
Vinnie owned the place now and Jamie was his little shucker-boy.Customers were still clapping and whistling. They all loved the daily shows at The Raw Bar and Vinnie was the star of this one. Vinnie took a bow to everyone in the place and then extended his hands outright.
"Hey ! I didn't spend ten thousand dollars gettin my black-belt for nothin ya know ...Ha! Ha!" he announced.
Vinnie walked back to his seat. On the way he was looking at different members of his party saying."Hey, did I show him or what ? I mean, someone has to teach these kids a thing or two...know what I'm sayin ?"
Dick Doorman the manager noticed all that went on and was not pleased at all. He came running over behind the shucking station and confronted Jamie about what just happened. Jamie was still bent over and was crying loudly. He was in some serious pain.
"Jamie ! what the hell was that all about ? Do you want to cause another lawsuit in this place ? I won't have it ! Now go back outside and cool off. I'll man the shucking station for now."Jamie lifted his head and slowly began walking while still holding his stomach.
"Thanks Dick !" Jamie began walking towards the kitchen.
Dick was now shucking and talking to the party of forty. "Hey Folks ! Sorry about that, it won't happen again. As a matter of fact, I'd like to buy you all a round of drinks for your trouble alright ?"
Dick summoned the bartender over to his side. "Linda, set these folks up with whatever they want alright ? It's on me alright ? and tip yourself fifty cents for whole thing, thanks alot !"
Vinnie and the whole party were stoked about the free drinks. "Hey Vinnie !" one guy in the party shouted out. He had a cocktail in his hand and his arm around his girlfriend."If I had known that we were gonna get some free drinks out of this whole thing I would have helped you beat the crap out of that kid. I mean whada we get if we kill him and throw him in da rivah...a free steak or somethin ? Ha! Ha!"
Everyone in the party began laughing.Jamie was now back in the kitchen recuperating from the strong blow that he had just received from Vinnie. Tony and Manny were cooking away the orders they had just received. Tony was waiting for one order to finally end out of the computer. It was a long order.
"What the hell is this ?" Tony asked. "Forty f-in ordhas of Alfredo ? No f-in way. I ain't doin it !"Just then one of the waitresses came in from the dining room with a couple of Bacardi and Cokes with double limes.
"Hey Tony ! these drinks are from your cousin Vinnie, he's out there with a bunch of his friends. He's the one who ordered the alfredos kay ?" she asked.
"Ah Vinnie ? No problem Suzy. Hey! tell him I said hi and that I'll be out in a little while to see him alright ?"
"Sure thing Tony !"
Jamie was now out back near the docks. The pain was beginning to go away a little but he was still in shock from what just happened. He sat down along the building with his back to the restaurant gazing out on to the bay. Tears were rolling down his face as he sat and wondered why everyone was always so mean to him. Just then a friendly little lick came across his face.
Norman had come by to say hi. Jamie instantly felt better and grabbed the cat, pulling him closer to his body. It felt good to be loved for a change. Jamie and Norman were good friends. Customers had also been very mean to Norman as well. At times they would often grab Norman by the tail and toss him in to the water out back. Other times they would feed him an oyster loaded with Tabasco sauce.Norman would end up on the ground spinning in circles just like Curly in the Three Stooges. Jamie got up off his feet and stood upright. He then reached in to his back pocket and pulled out the book he always carried with him. "Master Cho's Guide to Self-Defense". He held the book out and looked at Norman.
"Norman, some day, they'll all be sorry !". He quickly turned to page two and demonstrated his best kick."Front Kick !" he shouted.
Jamie shifted his foot forward. His foot barely left the ground. Two dishwashers were out back having a smoke noticed this. They both began laughing.
"Ah Ha ! Shucker-Boy's trying to do Karate, what a joke !" they both walked back in to the kitchen.Jamie seemed unaffected by their taunts, he was getting used to this sort of treatment.Jamie looked back down at Norman and quickly pointed his finger back and forth towards both he and Norman.
"Just wait Norman, some day, it'll just be me and you buddy !"
Jamie now went back out to the shucking station. The party of forty were still there and had just finished their dinner. Jamie tried as hard as he could to avoid eye contact with them. Vinnie got up from the table, he was drunk.
"Hey ! Looks like shucker boy came back for another ass kicking huh shucka boy ?"Jamie looked up at the whole party.
"Hey, I don't want any trouble. I'm just trying to do my job, O.K ?"
Vinnie reached down and picked up what was on his dinner plate. He threw it towards Jamie.
"The food here sucks !" he shouted.Everyone else at the table started tossing their food at Jamie and yelling.
"Shucker-Boy !" "Shucker-Boy !" "Shucker-Boy !"Jamie was now getting pelted with food, mainly leftover fetticini and dinner rolls although some salad was also involved. Everyone in the place had now joined in and it was complete chaos. Jamie felt helpless. He quickly grabbed four trays of shucked Oysters and headed towards the back kitchen.
"Idiot !" "Dorkface !" "Moron !" were just some fo the insults coming from the table as Jamie made his exit.
He finally made it back to the kitchen safely. It was now getting close to closing time and all the leftover shucked oysters were to be brought back to the docks and discarded in to the water.Just then Dick Doorman the manager came running over to Jamie. He was not pleased at all.
"Jamie, lets' Go ! Hurry up and bring the rest of the Oysters out back. We've got to close this place soon!"
"Sure Dick, no problem. I was just about to do that right now." Jamie picked up the trays of Oysters and headed out back towards the docks.Norman was now fast asleep and was sleeping right in Jamie's path. Jamie could not see Norman at all and the the Oyster trays were gettng heavier, with each passing step he felt weaker and weaker. Jamie was exhuasted.Then, it happened. He suddenly tripped over Norman. Norman tried to run away but his collar got tangled up in Jamie's shoelaces. They both began falling towards the murky water. Jamie, Norman and the Oysters were all going in...
"SPLASH !" the two hit the water.The Oyster trays were still bouyant but were slowly beggining to sink. Jamie knew that he only had seconds to spare before the contaminated fish and "MONGOFISH" made their appearance.
"Help !" Help !" he cried.Most of the customers had now taken notice to Jamie falling in the water. They all had something to say about this one.
"Hey!" It's Shucker Boy! He fell in the water !" one old man sitting at the bar yelled."
"Ah ha ! Shucker Boy fell in the water !" the young boy on table six yelled out.
"Ah Ha ! MONGOFISH is gonna get ya !' Big Helen yelled out.
"Somebody help the poor little shucker boy, He's our only shucker even if he is slower then mollasses."
Dick Doorman agreed. Jamie was the only shucker in the restaurant. He would have to be saved.
"Help! Help! This really sucks!" Jamie yelled.
"Yeh,do something before it's too late.I mean, call SCOOTERMAN http://www.scooterman.tv/ if it get's real bad." the fry guy suggested.
Suddenly Tony and Manny came running out of the kitchen and were panicking. They both were pacing around the docks like waitresses in a frenzy Saturday night rush. Tony turned to Manny with fear in his eyes.
"What should we do Manny?" Tony screamed."I don't know. I'll go get the net out back and give it to him."
Manny quickly turned around and headed towards theshack on the side of the restaurant. He returned seconds later with the long net.
"Quick Jamie...grab hold of the net!"Jamie began swinging his arms towards the net. He couldn't reach it. The water was now beggining to turn the color bright red. The contaminated fish now had a hold of Jamie. Blood was gushing out of his mouth and his whole body was thrashing back and forth, left to right against the surface of the water.
"Oh my God !" Tony pointed down towards the water. MONGOFISH was now right behind Jamie.Jamie continued to scream.
"AHH! AHH!"MONGOFISH had come to finish the job. Jamie made one last plea for help but it was too late. He was gone.There was now complete silence. Everyone in the restaurant was actually in awe. People had fallen in the water out back before but no one ever really got hurt. This was the first time anyone hadn't escaped the dangerous waters behind The Raw Bar.
Manny was now peering over the side of the dock to see if he could see any signs of life from below on the surface of the water. The only thing he could see were a few small bubbles. It was over.Manny turned to Tony with a sad look on his face.
"Man, I did kind of like that kid. Even though he was a nerd and all."
Dick Doorman the manager was now out back shaking his head in disbelief.
"Well guys, there's nothing we can do now. I'll put an ad in the paper for a new shucker tommorow. In the meantime I really think we should all get back to work and concentrate on our jobs, alright ?"
"Yeh Dick, I hear ya." Manny patted Tony on the back and began walking with him towards the kitchen.
All of a sudden the water started to bubble up. Everyone quickly turned their heads and peered towards the water.The bubbles began to increase in size. Bigger and bigger they got, louder and louder the water became. It was just like feeding time. An out board engine, 150 Mercury.
"What the..?" Manny was now back out peering over the water. Just then the bubbles stopped. It was silent again.
"C'mon Manny, let's go!" Dick shouted. "It's Nothing."
Manny turned and began walking towards the kitchen.
"Ah, kid was probably takin his last breath, ha !" Tony shrugged his shoulders.
All of a sudden Jamie came flying out of the water and on to the docks.It was like a spring board shot him up to the surface. It was unreal. He was huge ! Built like a body builder. He was all bloody and slimey. His clothes were ripped to shreds and the only thing that was still in tact was his apron that he was still wearing.He was also missing an eye, blood dripping from his eye socket. He began teetering back and forth, trying to make sense of who he was and where he was. The customers and everyone who were watching were in a complete state of shock.
"Oh my God! It's Shucker-Boy!" the old man at the bar yelled.
"Is it too late to get that dozen that I wanted?" another yelled.Jamie was now slowly approaching Manny and Tony the two of them were getting very nervous.
"Good Shucker Boy!" Manny began taking slow steps backwards. Just then Jamie took a swing at him.
"ARRGONOSHUCKOYSTERNOW!" he screamed.
He just missed hitting Manny.Tony was too close. Jamie reached over and grabbed him by the shirt.
He pulled him in to his fist."POW!"
He then pushed him back and hit him with a flying side kick."SMACK!"
Tony went flying into the trash cans and was knocked unconscious. Manny was now waving a huge kitchen knife in front of Jamies face.
"C'mon you bastard let's go!" he screamed.
Jamie was about three feet away from him. He took one step forward then spun around and hit Manny with a back spin kick which sent him flying backwards. Jamie then hit him with a roundhouse kick, back spin kick,hammerfist to the nose followed by a spinning elbow strike and finally a jumping side kick.
Manny was now falling back toward the water when Jamie quickly pulled a shucking knife out of his back pocket and threw it as fast and hard as he could towards Manny's stomach. The shucking knife landed and pierced a devastating whole in Manny's gut."Ahhh!" he screamed as he fell backwards in to the water.
"SPLASH!" Manny hit the water, blood was everywhere and the contaminated fish had him now. He tried to fight his way out of the water and make a swim for the docks but it was too late, the fish dragged him under and he never resurfaced.
The Restaurant was now in a state of chaos. People were running around yelling and screaming.
"It's Shucker-Boy! He's lost his mind !" the lady on table six screamed.
Vinnie heard the commotion. It got a rise out of him. "Shucker Boy, where is he? What's goin on?" he asked.
All of a sudden Jamie came flying thru the kitchen door and out in to the dining room. People were totally stunned at the sight of him. He quickly jumped up on top of the shucking station and began waving his shucking knife around in the air. He was moaning and screaming out loud.
"MEKILLMEANCUSTOMERSNOW!" he shouted.
He then jumped back down to ground level, people were trying to make it to the door. He started picking up oysters and shucking them as fast as he could which was an absolutely amazing sight.
He could now shuck oysters at an alarming rate, about two oysters per second. Instead of throwing the top shells in the bucket he began whipping them as fast as he could towards the people that were exiting the building. One of the shells hit a man in the back as he was almost out the front door. It pierced a hole right thru the skin and was protruding from his back all bloody.
"Ahhh! I've been hit, and I don't even like oysters!" he screamed.
His wife started screaming and bolted out the door, leaving him there on his own. Nice wife, huh?
Jamie also started throwing the oyster trays around like frisbees. A few of them hit some people but just knocked them off their feet.
One man was about to jump off the railing in the dining room and in to the water when Jamie pulled out an oyster fork and threw it at him. "Ahh! me back!" he screamed.
Another man was trying to run away but Jamie grabbed him. He then pulled out an empty oyster sack and tossed it over the guys head. Jamie quickly lassoed a tight string around the sack and the man was left helpless with his arms and hands dangling at his side.
Jamie wound up and hit him as hard as he could with a middle lunge keeyate punch then followed it with a spare hand to the solar plexes, roundhouse kick, back spin kick, spin around elbow strike and then finally a jumping side kick. The kick was so strong that it sent him flying in to the $5.95 all-you-can-eat salad bar. He was toasted, gone, finished, out of it, thrashed, beat up, bloody and most of all not feeling very well at this point and time in the story.
"Oh my God, we gotta get outta here !" was the scream coming from behind one of the tables that was turned on it's side. Two people were crouched down hiding behind the table. Jamie began heading towards the table. He was right next to the table when all of a sudden a girl came out from behind and ran right past him. He let her go.It was Vinnie's girlfriend. Vinnie then got up from under the table, he now had his hands out in front of his body like he was surrendering to Jamie. He was pretty nervous.
"Hey kid...ya know I didn't mean anything I said or did tonight, I was, I was kidding. It was all in good fun."
Vinnie quickly reached in his front pocket and pulled out a new, crisp one-hundred dollar bill. He threw it down on the ground in front of Jamie.
"Here, take this. I can get more later. Ya see, I'm a business man and I know what it takes to make people happy."
Jamie knelt down to pick the bill up off the ground. Vinnie quickly wound up and kicked Jamie in the head as hard as he could. The kick sent Jamie flying backwards and on to his back. It was a very hard kick. Blood was drawn.Vinnie was juiced and jumping up and down.
He then did three jumping back spin kicks in a row just for show.
"C'mon Shucka Boy! I'll f-in kill you man. I'm da bad guy!" he sounded just like Al Pacino in Scarface.
Jamie felt his head and wiped the blood off. He now realized that he was bleeding and began shaking his head back and forth. He got back on his feet and was ready for action. Vinnie jumped up and tried to execute a jumping back spin kick, it didn't work. Jamie caught his foot and now had a hold of him. He then lifted Vinnies whole body in the air.
"Ahhh ! Let me down !" Vinnie screamed.Jamie hurled Vinnie's whole body towards the shucking station.
"SMASH!"Vinnie landed right on top of the shucking station. Ice, oysters, clams and shrimp went flying everywhere. He was just sprawled out all over the station, his body barely moving yet he was still alive. Jamie ran over and jumped on top of him so he couldn't move. He then reached down into the oyster bucket and grabbed one of the rejected oysters from earlier in the night. He held the oyster right over Vinnies head then took out the oyster knife and shucked it real fast, it was a totally bogus oyster. Jamie held the slimey, bad oyster over Vinnies mouth then fired it in to his mouth real fast, making sure he swallowed it. Vinnie was in some serious pain now and was crying loudly.
"C'mon kid! Let me Go!" he screamed.
Jamie picked Vinnie up off the shucking station and propped his body up so he was standing upright. It was now time for the grande finale. Vinnie was barely standing straight up, Jamie was now ready to finsh him off. Jamie got in to a strict Karate stance and began his kata on Vinnie. Roundhouse kick, middle lunge keeyate punch into the solar plexes, back spin kick, another back spin kick and one more back spin kick.
Vinnie was now getting close to the railing which borders the water. Jamie quickly reached back left and right and began simultaneously chucking oyster knives towards Vinnie. Each one landed with precision hitting Vinnie in different parts of his body.
"AHHHH!" he screamed.Vinnie went flying backwards and in to the water. The fish immediately dragged him under as soon as he hit the water. Vinnie was no longer, too bad. The world would be less one bully.Jamie got up on top of the shucking station and let out a loud roar that could be heard from a far distance.
"MEKICKSERIOUSASSNOWPSYCHOSHUCKER!" he shouted.
The whole restaurant was in complete shambles. Tables were scattered everywhere and food scraps lined the perimeter of the dining room.Jamie hopped down off the shucking station and headed out to the back of the Restaurant. He then ran over to the shed and quickly opened the door.
There were twenty, five gallon gas containers that were full. Jamie grabbed one in each hand and began dousing "The Raw Bar" with gasoline. He continued to do this until there were no more containers left.
Jamie ran in to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of sheets of newspapers rolling them in to a stick. He stuck the newspaper in to the pilot light on the stove and now he had a nice torch to play with. He then began running around setting the place on fire. He quickly ran out back to the docks.
Jamie was now standing out at the docks watching the whole building go up in flames.All of a sudden Norman came flying out of the water and on to the docks.He was soaked to the bone and very badly beaten as well. Jamie reached down and cuddled him in his right hand. He then ran and jumped down in to a row boat that was docked close by. Jamie carefully placed Norman in the back of the boat when he landed. The boat was then untied and they were off. Jamie sat there just rowing, watching The Raw Bar, trying desperately to figure out all that had just happened. The fire was getting bigger and bigger. Suddenly it happened, a loud explosion filled the air.
"KABOOM!"
The Raw Bar blew up into thousands of tiny little pieces, the place was History.
Jamie took one last look and continued rowing down the River. It was a long hard day at The Raw Bar. Jamies life was now changed forever and he would soon be remembered as the little shucker boy turned psycho. He was no longer little or a boy. He would now be known around town simply as "PSYCHOSHUCKER".
THE END
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